I am here, and
You are there
Clouds apart

I live in my tears
And you among the stars
I look beyond this ocean
Near the horizon, we meet, I hope

I swim to embrace you
I cannot touch you
I cannot hug you

You taunt me, smiling
You light up my night,
Your heavenly glow
My stairway to love

We are connected only in these words
We are together only in our dreams
We hold each other only with our eyes

Happy

A smile,
A total stranger
Our eyes meet
She looks up to the sky
I look towards the earth
Both wishing, if

It's raining,
I extend my hands to touch them,
They play,
I can never catch them
I stood in the rain,
They caress my face
And fondle my hair
A chill,
Seeping into my skin
Wishing,
If it would wash away
My tears, guilt and pain
And then,
I turned into water

Mataoaka

Why are we like this?
Torn

The sun hides behind his Orange fury and,
The moon behind his Countless stars

And you, your life so wrenched
And I, I hide behind Love, sympathy
And pain

The red and yellow roses are still fresh
The lemon pie is still untouched
And I wait, my eyes on the door,
I wait

Two doors, each one leading to eternity
I long for the sun
Tickled by it’s warmth on my skin

In my vanity, I couldn’t love anyone
I cannot order myself to death,
I am too old to bear the pain

Why does the earth have colours?
Why does the tree still reach up to the sky?
Even when its branches are broken
Hours pass, but I don’t speak a word,
I don’t miss it.

Would I miss my life in this place?
Would tears fill up these eyes?

I am a confused man, complicated,
So intricate,
That I fail to understand myself, and
Sometimes the mind unravels
Showing its immense beauty,
Just a glimpse

I dream about you everyday
And each time you came
You always took a piece of me away

Each time you smiled
My heart skipped a beat
Each time you frowned,
the lines on your forehead;
I fell in love with you even more

Each time tears rolled down your cheeks
I hugged you harder, and
Kissed your nose and your forehead
And felt your heartbeat against my chest

Everytime you sat next me
And watched me drive,
Biting your fingernails,
I felt shy under your gaze

And each time you kissed me
And called me "baby"
I died a thousand deaths

Days are grey and the nights are blue,
And everytime I think about you,
Everything turns into your favourites colors of hue

Just like that!


I don't miss anything or anyone anymore.Passion, is fading, he is having his death,
a slow one at that.Disseverance,aloofness,remoteness,divorcement.

No attachments, just little detachments.

Mirror or Mask

What do u feel when u are let down by your blood, your own friends, your "trying to be your friend" friends. I wish I did not have eyes and ears.

Even knowing that this is all going to end up in disappointments, why do I still crave for the hi’s, bye's and hello's? I feel like I am stuck, between two parallel worlds that always are in conflict with each other. Life has become a quicksand. I am not afraid to die, I never was, I have always known that I have to go one day or the other and I was never afraid of the pain too, somehow I have always loved the sensation of pain, somehow it always gave me a soothing effect when things are down. Science calls this a sadist behaviour, but who cares, I don’t trouble anyone. I have always wanted to be insignificant, a fiction. Somehow the end has always fascinated me than the path itself. My throat is choking and my heart aches.
Damn! Life is so cruel....



I am the perfect grandson, the perfect son, the prefect brother, the perfect nephew, the perfect cousin, the perfect friend and the perfect employee.

My grandfather always felt I was special, you can see it the way he treats me, there is always respect in his eyes when we talk. I wonder what makes him do that.

The first son of the family and an entire generation, I was always mom’s blue-eyed boy and always will be. There was always an itching inside to ask why I can’t be left alone.

He copies my ever action. He copies my hairstyle, my brand of jeans and t-shirts, the idiot even smokes and drinks the same brand as mine. I always wanted him to be his own man.

They take me along everywhere they go. They are proud to have a nephew. He is educated, charming and an absolute gentleman. He is their pride, family’s pride. I squirm inside every time they do it.

The big brother says and ye shall listen. No questions asked and he should never be questioned, simply follow. I sometimes wish they knew a little more about me.

Him!, my friend, yes he is, yes I know him, man he is good, there is nobody like him, he calls me. One word “Fascination” or “Infatuation”. My friends are better than me. They always were. And only I know it.

Hardworking, extremely intelligent, the perfect employee and every 3 to 4 months an award. Heck I don’t even like publicity. Please just leave me alone to do my work.

And on this rain drenched evening
I shall wait
For my sins to be washed
For my guilt to be erased
And
For my tears
To be; forever be hidden

And then I shall wait
For my Angel
To hold me in her arms,
Carry me away from this darkness

And then she shall show me,
My path, My Denstiny,
My Love



It sometimes difficult to wait for your life. Things never turn out the way u want it to and it never will. But I always find myself waiting for it as if for a long lost love affair. I don't know know why I do it, I guess I live too much on hope and poetry =)

I was talking to a friend and our conversations touched upon Mirza Ghalib.

"Hazaaron khwaishein aisi ki har khwaish pe dum nikle
Bahut nikle mere armaan lekin phir bhi kam nikle"

Life is sometimes like this, an enigma, and I am desperately trying to decipher it's meaning.

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.

Write, for example, 'The night is starry
and the stars are blue and shiver in the distance.'

The night wind revolves in the sky and sings.

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
I loved her, and sometimes she loved me too.

Through nights like this one I held her in my arms.
I kissed her again and again under the endless sky.

She loved me, sometimes I loved her too.
How could one not have loved her great still eyes.

Lines from "Tonight I Can Write" By Pablo Neruda, translated by W.S. Merwin



Love is so short, forgetting is so long.

It's been a long time since I have dreamt about anyone or anything. I don't even remember the last time I had a dream.

But if I ever start to dream again, I would want to dream about u,
Only U.

Having to let go of yourself, to lose your identity, your blueprint is a hard thing. The things I have grown to like and dislike will change. I am not sure if I am capable of doing it. But I have to. I have to lose my joy for life, become kinda rigid, almost machine like. Another 12 years to go. Too many dreams have been broken and some yet to be broken to satisfy the needs of my time, I would rather say seconds.....too many things lost.

And this life, well, I have somehow grown to live a life of disasters and disappointments. They somehow don’t feel bad anymore; it’s as if I don’t care what happens…the often celebrated “Chalta hai” attitude seems to have crept back in.

Life it seems has taken the route of the “bizarre” like the eight stages of Love.

Current Mood: Nostalgic
Song: I'm an Ordinary Man (My Fair Lady - OST)

I have been too happpy these days to write anything. Ah..u see i get carried away and i forget to think. I think i'll be in this state for some more time...it feels a little weird, but it's kinda different.
I have a faint memory of hearing this somewhere that, the only way to happiness is by being sad. Must have been a psycho =)

Place: Home(staring at my Comp)
Music:Where'd You Go by Fort Minor

Beautiful song, but kinda feel sad listening to it.