Mirror or Mask
What do u feel when u are let down by your blood, your own friends, your "trying to be your friend" friends. I wish I did not have eyes and ears.
Even knowing that this is all going to end up in disappointments, why do I still crave for the hi’s, bye's and hello's? I feel like I am stuck, between two parallel worlds that always are in conflict with each other. Life has become a quicksand. I am not afraid to die, I never was, I have always known that I have to go one day or the other and I was never afraid of the pain too, somehow I have always loved the sensation of pain, somehow it always gave me a soothing effect when things are down. Science calls this a sadist behaviour, but who cares, I don’t trouble anyone. I have always wanted to be insignificant, a fiction. Somehow the end has always fascinated me than the path itself. My throat is choking and my heart aches.
Damn! Life is so cruel....
I am the perfect grandson, the perfect son, the prefect brother, the perfect nephew, the perfect cousin, the perfect friend and the perfect employee.
My grandfather always felt I was special, you can see it the way he treats me, there is always respect in his eyes when we talk. I wonder what makes him do that.
The first son of the family and an entire generation, I was always mom’s blue-eyed boy and always will be. There was always an itching inside to ask why I can’t be left alone.
He copies my ever action. He copies my hairstyle, my brand of jeans and t-shirts, the idiot even smokes and drinks the same brand as mine. I always wanted him to be his own man.
They take me along everywhere they go. They are proud to have a nephew. He is educated, charming and an absolute gentleman. He is their pride, family’s pride. I squirm inside every time they do it.
The big brother says and ye shall listen. No questions asked and he should never be questioned, simply follow. I sometimes wish they knew a little more about me.
Him!, my friend, yes he is, yes I know him, man he is good, there is nobody like him, he calls me. One word “Fascination” or “Infatuation”. My friends are better than me. They always were. And only I know it.
Hardworking, extremely intelligent, the perfect employee and every 3 to 4 months an award. Heck I don’t even like publicity. Please just leave me alone to do my work.
Even knowing that this is all going to end up in disappointments, why do I still crave for the hi’s, bye's and hello's? I feel like I am stuck, between two parallel worlds that always are in conflict with each other. Life has become a quicksand. I am not afraid to die, I never was, I have always known that I have to go one day or the other and I was never afraid of the pain too, somehow I have always loved the sensation of pain, somehow it always gave me a soothing effect when things are down. Science calls this a sadist behaviour, but who cares, I don’t trouble anyone. I have always wanted to be insignificant, a fiction. Somehow the end has always fascinated me than the path itself. My throat is choking and my heart aches.
Damn! Life is so cruel....
I am the perfect grandson, the perfect son, the prefect brother, the perfect nephew, the perfect cousin, the perfect friend and the perfect employee.
My grandfather always felt I was special, you can see it the way he treats me, there is always respect in his eyes when we talk. I wonder what makes him do that.
The first son of the family and an entire generation, I was always mom’s blue-eyed boy and always will be. There was always an itching inside to ask why I can’t be left alone.
He copies my ever action. He copies my hairstyle, my brand of jeans and t-shirts, the idiot even smokes and drinks the same brand as mine. I always wanted him to be his own man.
They take me along everywhere they go. They are proud to have a nephew. He is educated, charming and an absolute gentleman. He is their pride, family’s pride. I squirm inside every time they do it.
The big brother says and ye shall listen. No questions asked and he should never be questioned, simply follow. I sometimes wish they knew a little more about me.
Him!, my friend, yes he is, yes I know him, man he is good, there is nobody like him, he calls me. One word “Fascination” or “Infatuation”. My friends are better than me. They always were. And only I know it.
Hardworking, extremely intelligent, the perfect employee and every 3 to 4 months an award. Heck I don’t even like publicity. Please just leave me alone to do my work.
being let down by your own blood is something you dont want to know... Trust me.
It feels as if someone hacked you into little pieces and filled molten lead into your lungs.
Never even joke about such things...
Besides, you are not as good as you claim :)
Neha :)
ya i know....Hell! life is stranger than fiction